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| 12'x12' cabin where it all began in 8/02 |
Sat, Oct 23, 2010: I've decided to post this piece here on my own blog so that non-facebook users can read it. It is definitely not comprehensive - there is so much more I could have fleshed out, but I still think it will be of interest to many, as is. If you are a facebook user, you can view the original post along with many heartfelt comments here. Thanks for listening...
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Thurs, Oct 21, 2010: I wrote this today to clarify my own understanding of the end of the Whole Wheat Radio webcast and website. This is my own perspective on things as they unfolded over the years. It got kind of long. Good thing I skimmed over the first 4 years or it woulda been even longer! ;-) I'll admit I shed a few tears when I read Jim's resignation letter . There's so much to cherish about the WWR experience. And now, onwards... with a renewed and optimistic smile....
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In the first few years of WWR, I had considerable fun socially. I was also completely dedicating my life to it as a volunteer, and supporting Jim's efforts as my partner. (My own musical creativity and performing ground to a halt during this period.) I loved the whole concept of a people-powered media that aired the music of thousands of artists who's music was rarely heard in the world. And I agree with many of you that the social/fun parts of Whole Wheat Radio fed the mission. But something changed over time. The rants, and deep discussions and silly chats and photo postings had a dark side that emerged. This is an internet phenomenon that I'm certain leaders of other internet communities have had to deal with. Someone (Jim and I) had to deal with belligerent abusive trolls and drunks being mean to other users in the chat. Our zany rants drew some people in who loved being entertained by what we were doing, and there was increased pressure to be their daily entertainers. And Jim and I had little time for anything but the entertaining and maintenance of WWR. He spent countless hours writing software, creating hundreds of nifty features: games, emoticons, requesting shows based on themes, etc. I would whine that we needed a life apart from WWR. Jim assured me that he was working on ways to have WWR run itself, and give him/us the freedom to enjoy life in other ways.
That last sentence is so important because that's what led to the use of wiki software.
Conceptually, the wiki model changed things from "Jim does all the work so that everyone can have fun, chat, discover independent music" to "we all pitch in to do the work so we can all have fun, chat, discover independent music." (In retrospect, I'm not sure that conceptual shift was ever practically achievable on a volunteer basis via the internet.)
Okay - I, too, missed the quirky, creative simplicity of Jim's first 3 versions of WWR. I've heard so many people say the same. But those first versions were NOT sustainable technically. They were simple on the outside, but not the insides. WWR would have died years ago because one person was not going to maintain those systems. Period. Please realize that for all the negative or difficult aspects of the wiki, it (and the work some of you jumped in and contributed) sustained the life of WWR for the last 4 years.
By the end of 2006, Whole Wheat Radio was not much fun for me anymore. I resented that pressure to entertain on the air. I was mad at myself for abandoning my own music to help a thousand other musicians. Each house concert took about a week of my life from artist communication to show promotion to cleaning house to shipping CDs and accounting. I spent huge amounts of time in discussions with Jim about WWR issues. So basically (I'm simplifying) I abruptly quit. I tell you this story because it had a huge effect on WWR. I don't know what percentage of the sky I had been holding up, but it was significant. Jim almost closed WWR at this time. But instead, with the wiki in place, he started to seriously ask for help. There were a few folks helping, but not many, and the demands from both users and artists continued to bombard him, as well as a slew of other responsibilities I had dropped, such as complicated (and competent, trustworthy, transparent) WWR accounting, house concerts organization, and more. I'm actually amazed that he persevered so competently. (Note: In the last 4+ years, I've viewed WWR as "Jim's project" rather than a shared project. Still, I've put significant time into WWR, especially with the house concerts and in being an ear to Jim as he's figured his way forward through the years.)
I think that the mission of WWR to support independent musicians became the biggest motivating force at the time I left. Jim tried to appeal to those who shared enthusiasm and awareness about indie music. Again, there was a little help, but not enough.
As I analyze history - I think that 4 years of fun and games had set up a paradigm of, well, fun and games, for many WWR users. In an attempt to shift that paradigm, there was emotion, frustration, turnover... Asking for help shifted to bargaining for help. You want to chat? You want entertainment? Well you have to give something to get it. That did NOT go over well with those attached to the old overly-generous paradigm. But the neat thing is some people did stay and traded work for social time. And I remember seeing a big burst of enthusiasm in Jim at that time. "Oh my goodness, Esther! It's working!" he whispered with his blue eyes all a-glitter. Unfortunately, as can happen in any work situation, there were a few difficult individuals (note: I believe we are all doing our best with the tools we have, and I'm certain that those folks were not bad-hearted... they just were not a good fit...) who drained that new energy away, criticizing and arguing and focusing on minutia to the point that other would-be helpers disappeared in distaste for the work environment. (I think wikipedia has gone through similar pain.) I think Jim removed the work requirements and re-instated the chat in the hope people would be happier to pitch in, but it didn't have that positive effect. The chat resumed it's chattiness and gradually he found himself doing 95% of the work again.
Then there was the integration with Facebook. I think one of the big motivations for that was to offload the social aspects from a relatively small website/system to the world's largest social networking website where it now belonged (due to evolution of the internet). As an added benefit, artists and listener information could be pulled in directly from FB and much less data had to be entered manually. With such a tiny workforce, this also helped sustain WWR for a while longer.
Then, in this last year, Jim began to ask me, "Esther, why am I still doing this?" We had many conversations about the good parts, the challenging parts, the unbearable parts of running Whole Wheat Radio. We talked about what we wanted for our own lives in the bigger picture. We considered working together on revitalizing the project, and discussed whether we could convert it into a salary-paying venture for us or someone else, or ask the musical artists to help, or even sell the whole thing. Every idea seemed to hit a dead end, appearing impractical or just making us tired at the prospect of trying.
Finally, the sudden formation a few days ago of the "Wheatheads" FB social group, and the uproar of socal excitement and participation that went with it, and the snide, hurtful comments from some of its participants, while WWR itself limped along with 25 or so listeners, about 2 wiki editors, constant emails from artists asking for concerts and airplay, and just a few quiet, wonderful souls supporting it financially to keep the server up and running and the electricity on... well that new bubbly group of "wheatheads" just became a symbol and a catalyst for clarity. I began to communicate in the group last night and asked folks if they wanted WWR to exist, and if so, what did they propose to do to sustain it in a practical sense, with a vague hope of a solid, doable solution at best, and greater understanding of the situation at least.
Meanwhile, Jim Kloss, the creator and leader of the project, and love of my life, came to his own personal conclusion that it was time to resign, as you have read on the WWR website. I support him fully in that decision. I thank him for all he has given to all of us, whether musicians or social/listening/working participants. I know he wasn't and isn't perfect, and made some trial-error mistakes along the way, but dang he made a uniquely magical and competently beautiful thing happen. I believe he did change the world a little bit in those 8 years. I know there were a lot of people who were introduced to the concept of directly supporting talented under-the-radar independent musicians by buying their CDs and attending their concerts and writing them notes of encouragement. I don't think those lessons will be lost in the world. And wowee - the music, the concerts, the creative collaboration, the laughter... they will make for great memories. Thank you to all who participated In Whole Wheat Radio for enriching my life along the way, and for your support and encouragement for my own music. I hope we stay in touch in other contexts...
With love,
Esther
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